Agnosticism ?

The nostalgia was so thick and heavy, that he had wiped his face off it. He was back to his swinging chair, and lukewarm water, and sore throat. He wanted to become a writer after almost satisfying his left hemisphere with electrical engineering masters. Thankfully his mind was not very keen of getting in four years of life-loss. He romanticized with the idea of academic career, but it looked very mundane and boring to him, and he gave up on it even before he had finished his masters. Oscar Wilde had murmured in his ears, “Anything that is worth learning can be learned outside school.” His mother also warned him once.

-why do you want to get degrees and degrees on your CV, a classmate of mine got degrees in 3-4 disciplines, yeah he might be brainy but to what avail. It was more of soul-searching for him in course books, and academic corridors.  Don’t try to be that.

 It was logical, getting a degree is not an answer to  “i still haven’t found what i am looking for”.  To speak the truth he wanted to write. Write as classical as Joyce, as emotional as Ishiguro, as sarcastic as DBC Pierre and Upmanyu Chatterjee, as epic as Tolkien, and yet have his own style and panache. These would become his idols; or rather they already were his idols. Ever since when he was ten,  deep sea adventure of Jules Verne enthralled him, he was smitten by magic of words, first it was crush, then it evolved into beautiful love, a lifelong relationship.

It would immensely please his grandmother, that little boy was reading Hindu religious books, well truth be told, the boy was enthralled by the story the books provided, the epic stories of kings, gods and demons were way too interesting. In the same spirit he would delve in biblical stories, and make his teachers at catholic school happy. The moment the story got over, he could not fathom the way religion ruled onto people mind and heart. He experimented with devout religiousness and when he did not like it, he altogether shunned it. Religion was like a love-hate relationship for him, and so he anointed himself as agnostic rather than an atheist.

Quite often his dinner table remarks on old texts and religion came as surprise and shock to his more religious friends. He had his own deep concept of some power, and the current existing religious concepts were just like a story, or some alien conspiracy theory as mentioned in the documentary he was watching this weekend. Yet the mythology intrigued him, and he would like to search for similarities between Hinduism, Greek, roman, Christianity and Islam, rather than focusing on differences which everyone did inadvertently or otherwise. Imagine by john Lennon should have been his war cry. (He also cursed his word processor, which pointed out every now and then, that the name of religions should be in Caps.)

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6 comments

  1. Spiritual but not religious
    Agnostic but not (a)thiest
    Confused but not condemn! 😛

  2. This is very stream of consciousness-ish, think that Joyce might be taking effect after all… Keep posting, keeps in intrigued what might come of it all…

  3. well you might be blessed with this art, you know the art of writing..achooo:)

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